Tag Archives: Bill Schwalm

Poem for Critique 017: How a can spins when shot by Bill Schwalm

Welcome to Morgen’s Online Poetry Writing Group and the seventeenth poem submitted to this blog for feedback. This piece is by Bill Schwalm.

Please do comment in the section below telling us what you liked about this poem and, what if anything, the author could do to improve upon it. Thank you – it’s very much appreciated!

How a can spins when shot

Before the crack the rifle splits from after

wounded can dance spinning pirouette—

A single yelp and airborne melted metal

rips and spins about an axis of gyration,

hops jumps bonks and bounces twice

and stops.

 

A breeze disperses little dust

and grass moves quietly beyond.

*

Thank you, again, Bill.

WAS picture 1Bill Schwalm is unpublished as a poet.

He is currently Professor of Physics at The University of North Dakota, and has been reading and written poems since childhood.

***

If you’d like to submit your poem (50 lines max) for feedback on this blog see Submissions and / for consideration for the weekly Post-weekend Poetry slot on my main blog, take a look here.

You can sign up to receive these blog posts daily or weekly so you don’t miss anything. You can contact me and find me on the internetview my Books (including my debut novel!) and I also have a blog creation / maintenance service especially for, but not limited to, writers. If you like this blog, you can help me keep it running by donating and choose an optional free eBook.

For writers / readers willing to give feedback and / or writers wanting feedback privately, take a look at my main blog’s Feedback page.

My online writing blog / Facebook groups are:

Morgen’s Online Non-Fiction Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Novel Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Short Story Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Script Writing Group

Thank you for reading this and we look forward to your comments.

Poem for Critique 016: Flying by night by Bill Schwalm

WAS picture 1Welcome to Morgen’s Online Poetry Writing Group and the sixteenth poem submitted to this blog for feedback. This piece is by Bill Schwalm.

Please do comment in the section below telling us what you liked about this poem and, what if anything, the author could do to improve upon it, specifically:

1.  General comments

2.  Lack of focus of antecedent in the early part

3.  Sentence length and awkwardness

4.  The fact that the couplet in the last stanza does not comprise a sentence

Thank you – it’s very much appreciated!

*

Flying by night

Settled in the reeds with early snow,

lie they hidden in a thicket under elms,

or are they only tangled in the branches

where a tree has fallen by the river?

Maybe they have been among the geese

that argue in the sky at night,

as birds of passage casting shadows where

the cotton floated lately over summer fields,

now recollecting one another’s faces

only as the geese remember stars—

 

Summoned to the air by changing light

to follow avian voices in the night.

*

Thank you, Bill.

WAS picture 2Bill Schwalm is unpublished as a poet.  He has been reading and writing poems since he was a boy.

He holds currently the position Professor of Physics at The University of North Dakota.

Bill would love to hear your comments via the comments section below and / or  http://www.facebook.com/william.schwalm.3.

***

If you’d like to submit your poem (50 lines max) for feedback on this blog see Submissions and / for consideration for the weekly Post-weekend Poetry slot on my main blog, take a look here.

You can sign up to receive these blog posts daily or weekly so you don’t miss anything. You can contact me and find me on the internetview my Books (including my debut novel!) and I also have a blog creation / maintenance service especially for, but not limited to, writers. If you like this blog, you can help me keep it running by donating and choose an optional free eBook.

For writers / readers willing to give feedback and / or writers wanting feedback privately, take a look at my main blog’s Feedback page.

My online writing blog / Facebook groups are:

Morgen’s Online Non-Fiction Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Novel Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Short Story Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Script Writing Group

Thank you for reading this and we look forward to your comments.