Category Archives: critique

Morgen’s Monday Email Critique Group

This following only applies to short stories and novels but in case you also write those…

Hello. I know that writers, myself included, need – and appreciate – feedback on our work. By that I don’t mean “Oh yes, that’s great” – although that would be good too. We need to be told where we’re going wrong. I am a freelance editor so it’s my day job to do that but I thought I’d start this critique group so that you could also get feedback from other writers.

Why Morgen’s MONDAY Email Critique Group? Because we all need deadlines. The idea is that you submit your writing (max. 2,000 words per submission*) to me on a Monday and I will collate them and send them on to others in the group for them to return to me by the SUNDAY after next (i.e. two weeks, although the sooner the better) so that I can return it to the original author for the following Monday. This doesn’t mean you can’t send (or receive) something in between – it would space out the work for me – the two-week turnaround would just be tweaked accordingly.

In the meantime, hopefully, they will have been working on something else and have more to send. *By submission, I mean complete story (up to 2,000 words per submission) or story / novel extract.

For every submission you critique, you will get your work critiqued by one other writer. The more you critique, the more feedback you get on your own work. I will be the facilitator keeping track (using a nerdy spreadsheet) of who does what so how much ‘credit’ they (you) have.

If you submit more than there are people to critique for, I will hold it until there is sufficient credit. Equally, if you have critiqued more than have submitted work for, I will have made a note of that.

This will all be done courtesy of a Word template I’ve devised. Don’t worry if you don’t have Word (although it would be helpful and if you’re planning on submitting to competitions, publishers or agents, you will need it). Complete that, together with pasting your story or extract. NB. by completing the form and submitting your work, you are agreeing that you will not share any received work (i.e. not your own writing) with anyone else, online or otherwise.

The level of feedback is entirely up to you but there are options on the form for pacing, engaging characters, satisfactory conclusion (if a complete story) etc. Please don’t use Word’s track changes as it shows your name. Everything will be anonymous (I’ll be using references) so you’ll never know whose work you’re receiving but equally they won’t know they’re getting yours. It’s the fairest method.

What’s in it for me? I will be one of the group giving and receiving feedback. The rules work the same for me. I can only received critique on my work when I have critiqued someone else’s. You won’t know I’ve done it and you won’t know if you’ve critiqued my writing.

So… to get started, complete the form below and I’ll send you the template. NB. by completing the form and submitting your work, you are agreeing that you will not share any received work (i.e. not your own writing) with anyone else, online or otherwise.

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Poem for Critique 019: The Procrastinator by Jim Scott

JimWelcome to Morgen’s Online Poetry Writing Group and the nineteenth poem submitted to this blog for feedback. This piece is by Jim Scott.

Please do comment in the section below telling us what you liked about this poem and, what if anything, the author could do to improve upon it. Thank you – it’s very much appreciated!

The Procrastinator

There’s many repair jobs I know must be done,
And every one needs me to do it.
But one key component, of which I have none,
Prevents me from starting on even but one,
For I’ve lost it and cannot renew it.

I’ve looked in my tool box and every drawer
‘Til finally I sat down and drew it
And showed every hardware and D.I.Y. store;
They just asked what I wanted one of those for
And called me a fool to pursue it.

Couple of times though I thought I had found
What could work, ‘till I started to view it.
T’was then that my mind began coming unwound,
‘Coz I saw it was oblong ….. and I needed round …..
And I realized how badly I blew it.

The job list kept lengthening day after day;
I became overwhelmed when I knew it.
Without that damn item there just was no way
I could hope to avoid this on-going delay
Before starting to work my way through it.

I tried then the oval one, even the square,
But neither could help me to do it.
The triangle may as well not have been there;
Oh! If ever I am going to start to repair
All those broken things waiting for me everywhere
It’s essential I find what seems one of a kind
Or I might be inclined to go out of my mind,
Oh! I must or I’ll bust and explode into dust,
If I just cannot get a round toowitt!

*

Thank you, Jim. Folks, please do comment below.

book coverJim Scott was raised in Old Shoreham in the south of England and since leaving school as soon as he was able has travelled pretty much the rest of his life covering “five continents and three oceans” (the title of his first book).  Merchant navy apprentice in India, attacked by a rattle snake on the Inca trail, farming during African insurgent war, shipwrecked in Portugal, surfing in Morocco, making dream catchers with a Mohawk shaman in Canada, battling Caribbean hurricanes, coordinating maritime search and rescue missions, commercial diving in the Mediterranean; his numerous real life adventures have inspired the dozens of true stories and scores of lyrical “songs and verses” (his third book’s title) he has written.  Now at 60, having raised three great kids, for several years as a single dad, he melds the unique experiences of an incredible life with a passion for writing and is soon to publish book 2 to complete the “Wanderings and Sojourns” trilogy (published out of sequence… a little like his wayward life has been) “On Tropical Islands and Sparkling Seas”. Jim’s website is www.wanderingsandsojourns.com.

***

If you’d like to submit your poem (50 lines max) for feedback on this blog see Submissions and / for consideration for the weekly Post-weekend Poetry slot on my main blog, take a look here.

You can sign up to receive these blog posts daily or weekly so you don’t miss anything. You can contact me and find me on the internetview my Books (including my debut novel!) and I also have a blog creation / maintenance service especially for, but not limited to, writers. If you like this blog, you can help me keep it running by donating and choose an optional free eBook.

For writers / readers willing to give feedback and / or writers wanting feedback privately, take a look at my main blog’s Feedback page.

My online writing blog / Facebook groups are:

Morgen’s Online Non-Fiction Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Novel Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Short Story Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Script Writing Group

Thank you for reading this and we look forward to your comments.

Poem for Critique 018: Tomorrow’s Past Life by Jim Scott

JimWelcome to my Online Poetry Writing Group and the eighteenth poem submitted to this blog for feedback. This piece is by Jim Scott.

Please do comment in the section below telling us what you liked about this poem and, what if anything, the author could do to improve upon it. Thank you – it’s very much appreciated!

Jim also says, “Although this poem has already been published and performed many times, a poem is NEVER finished for it can always be improved.  So I seek general comments; what worked, what didn’t, what parts were liked the best, how well it flowed, if any rhymes or lines seemed forced, whether it held true to the theme or meandered into other areas, etc.  Anything that might help improve it or subsequent poems.”

Tomorrow’s Past Life

There was once a time when my life was filled with living;
Adventure and excitement scattered all across this earth.
I was in my prime, with so much just ripe for giving.
To wander seemed the reason for my birth.
But now my life has changed, I seldom travel fifty mile.
Adventure’s turned to mortgage. Mine’s a sedentary style.
My freedom’s now an office, distant romance an ex-wife.
I have to find the path that leads me on to my old life

So that just once more I can sail the endless ocean,
Or track the old bull wildebeest, and dive amongst the whales.
Watch the condors soar. Change my plans on any notion
To seek of lands heard in a stranger’s tales.
Is that so very much to ask? I’ve known it so before.
The hunger and the plenty, forest snow and desert shore.
The laughter and the loneliness, the passions and the pain.
But still there’s lands I didn’t see, and those I’d see again

If I found a way to undo these chains that bind me,
Not harming those I love nor running from the debts I owe.
I should leave today! Going where no one could find me,
Not caring what I’d seek or where I’d go.
But that’s now how my dreams are made; awake I see the truth:
The bank, the schools the eight to five, so absent from my youth,
Now plot against my wanderlust, my yearning for the road
To hide the path I’m seeking that I once so freely strode.

But there’ll come a time when the house is bought and paid for,
The kid’s are all through college and the pension’s guaranteed.
Then I’ll start to climb back toward the life I’m made for;
My chains released, my spirit once more freed.
Though twenty years may lie between this moment and that day,
It waits on the horizon as a cairn which points the way.
A monument to travellers; emancipation’s prize!
A mark to set my compass bearing steady in my eyes
So that I can see that my life is far from finished.
And some day I will live again adventures yet untold.
Where the wind and me, with a passion undiminished,
Will find that younger life I knew of old.

*

Thank you, Jim. Folks, please do comment below.

book coverJim Scott was raised in Old Shoreham in the south of England and since leaving school as soon as he was able has travelled pretty much the rest of his life covering “five continents and three oceans” (the title of his first book).  Merchant navy apprentice in India, attacked by a rattle snake on the Inca trail, farming during African insurgent war, shipwrecked in Portugal, surfing in Morocco, making dream catchers with a Mohawk shaman in Canada, battling Caribbean hurricanes, coordinating maritime search and rescue missions, commercial diving in the Mediterranean; his numerous real life adventures have inspired the dozens of true stories and scores of lyrical “songs and verses” (his third book’s title) he has written.  Now at 60, having raised three great kids, for several years as a single dad, he melds the unique experiences of an incredible life with a passion for writing and is soon to publish book 2 to complete the “Wanderings and Sojourns” trilogy (published out of sequence… a little like his wayward life has been) “On Tropical Islands and Sparkling Seas”. Jim’s website is www.wanderingsandsojourns.com.

***

If you’d like to submit your poem for feedback on this blog see Submissions and / for consideration for the weekly Post-weekend Poetry slot on my main blog, take a look here.

You can sign up to receive these blog posts daily or weekly so you don’t miss anything. You can contact me and find me on the internetview my Books (including my debut novel!) and I also have a blog creation / maintenance service especially for, but not limited to, writers. If you like this blog, you can help me keep it running by donating and choose an optional free eBook.

For writers / readers willing to give feedback and / or writers wanting feedback privately, take a look at my main blog’s Feedback page.

My online writing blog / Facebook groups are:

Morgen’s Online Non-Fiction Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Novel Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Short Story Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Script Writing Group

Thank you for reading this and we look forward to your comments.

Poem for Critique 017: How a can spins when shot by Bill Schwalm

Welcome to Morgen’s Online Poetry Writing Group and the seventeenth poem submitted to this blog for feedback. This piece is by Bill Schwalm.

Please do comment in the section below telling us what you liked about this poem and, what if anything, the author could do to improve upon it. Thank you – it’s very much appreciated!

How a can spins when shot

Before the crack the rifle splits from after

wounded can dance spinning pirouette—

A single yelp and airborne melted metal

rips and spins about an axis of gyration,

hops jumps bonks and bounces twice

and stops.

 

A breeze disperses little dust

and grass moves quietly beyond.

*

Thank you, again, Bill.

WAS picture 1Bill Schwalm is unpublished as a poet.

He is currently Professor of Physics at The University of North Dakota, and has been reading and written poems since childhood.

***

If you’d like to submit your poem (50 lines max) for feedback on this blog see Submissions and / for consideration for the weekly Post-weekend Poetry slot on my main blog, take a look here.

You can sign up to receive these blog posts daily or weekly so you don’t miss anything. You can contact me and find me on the internetview my Books (including my debut novel!) and I also have a blog creation / maintenance service especially for, but not limited to, writers. If you like this blog, you can help me keep it running by donating and choose an optional free eBook.

For writers / readers willing to give feedback and / or writers wanting feedback privately, take a look at my main blog’s Feedback page.

My online writing blog / Facebook groups are:

Morgen’s Online Non-Fiction Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Novel Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Short Story Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Script Writing Group

Thank you for reading this and we look forward to your comments.

Poem for Critique 016: Flying by night by Bill Schwalm

WAS picture 1Welcome to Morgen’s Online Poetry Writing Group and the sixteenth poem submitted to this blog for feedback. This piece is by Bill Schwalm.

Please do comment in the section below telling us what you liked about this poem and, what if anything, the author could do to improve upon it, specifically:

1.  General comments

2.  Lack of focus of antecedent in the early part

3.  Sentence length and awkwardness

4.  The fact that the couplet in the last stanza does not comprise a sentence

Thank you – it’s very much appreciated!

*

Flying by night

Settled in the reeds with early snow,

lie they hidden in a thicket under elms,

or are they only tangled in the branches

where a tree has fallen by the river?

Maybe they have been among the geese

that argue in the sky at night,

as birds of passage casting shadows where

the cotton floated lately over summer fields,

now recollecting one another’s faces

only as the geese remember stars—

 

Summoned to the air by changing light

to follow avian voices in the night.

*

Thank you, Bill.

WAS picture 2Bill Schwalm is unpublished as a poet.  He has been reading and writing poems since he was a boy.

He holds currently the position Professor of Physics at The University of North Dakota.

Bill would love to hear your comments via the comments section below and / or  http://www.facebook.com/william.schwalm.3.

***

If you’d like to submit your poem (50 lines max) for feedback on this blog see Submissions and / for consideration for the weekly Post-weekend Poetry slot on my main blog, take a look here.

You can sign up to receive these blog posts daily or weekly so you don’t miss anything. You can contact me and find me on the internetview my Books (including my debut novel!) and I also have a blog creation / maintenance service especially for, but not limited to, writers. If you like this blog, you can help me keep it running by donating and choose an optional free eBook.

For writers / readers willing to give feedback and / or writers wanting feedback privately, take a look at my main blog’s Feedback page.

My online writing blog / Facebook groups are:

Morgen’s Online Non-Fiction Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Novel Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Short Story Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Script Writing Group

Thank you for reading this and we look forward to your comments.

Poem for Critique 015: Mother’s Day 12th of May by Stam Fasoulakis

Welcome to Morgen’s Online Poetry Writing Group and the fifteenth poem submitted to this blog for feedback. This piece is a rhyming poem by Stam Fasoulakis and was written especially for today (in some parts of the world, not here in the UK), Mother’s Day.

Please do comment in the section below telling us what you liked about this poem and, what if anything, the author could do to improve upon it. Thank you – it’s very much appreciated!

*

Mother’s Day 12th of May

Mother is one and only

as we all say commonly.

She for you will always stand up

if sadness or joy comes up.

A mother is a source of life

that do not forget in your life,

so give her a hug and kiss

to make her happy, don’t miss.

*

Thank you, Stam.

Folks – please do let us know what you think.

I write very little poetry (and then only to order) so I’m no expert and the only thing that leapt out at me the line, ‘She for you will always stand up’. I’ve never been a fan of inverted text and in some poems it’s done just to get the rhyming so something to be careful of. (NB. just my opinion).

**

StamStamatios (Stam) Fassoulakis was born in Africa, Alexandria of Egypt (when it was still a British Colony) from Greek parents (two generations back). In 1961 his parents decided that they had to repatriate to Greece as the Nasser regime and its strict measures for foreigners forced most of them to a massive exodus. He completed his High-school studies in Athens and after graduation, he studied Physics and Mathematics at the University of Athens. In January 1970 Stam immigrated to South Africa where he worked and studied Mechanical Engineering at the Technikon Witwatersrand Johannesburg (today University of Johannesburg) following a sandwich course. At the end of 1977 he returned to Greece and was hired by General Motors Overseas Distribution Corporation (G.M.O.D.C.) based in Athens and travelled in the Middle East Area from Greece up to and including Pakistan. He worked for them for 14 years, travelling in those “lovely countries”.

In 1991 GM decided to close down their Middle East office (due to the danger of aero plane hijackings and the drop in the Middle East business). He found work at an Opel dealer in Greece as an Aftersales Manager where he organised the department from scratch. After another 14 years of hard work, he retired at the end of December 2007. Since then he has worked as a translator English to Greek and vice versa, specializing in Technical and Scientific texts and documents. He speaks and writes in four languages (English, Greek, French and Arabic).

His hobbies range from reading various books (he has a library of 400) and writing poetry in rhyme (his blog is http://emmetrhpoihsh.blogspot.com) but says that unfortunately most of them are in Greek (“real Greek for you”). He has also written a book (paper, self published) with the title “Productivity and efficiency of a service workshop” but he admits that it is technical and too specialized so it didn’t have a broad reception, but the books sold covered the publication expenses. He also belongs to a black belt karate club (J.K.A.).

He has written poetry (mostly humorous) in rhyme since his early teens, which were published at his High School magazine. He is currently writing a memoire book (in Greek) with the title adieu (goodbye) Alexandria where he describes the feelings of a teenager that had to leave his place of birth. His aim is to translate it into English and see how it will be accepted. If only, he says, to write all the experiences in his life, they are enough to keep him busy until the end of his life.

***

If you’d like to submit your poem for feedback on this blog see Submissions and / for consideration for the weekly Post-weekend Poetry slot on my main blog, take a look here.

You can sign up to receive these blog posts daily or weekly so you don’t miss anything. You can contact me and find me on the internetview my Books (including my debut novel!) and I also have a blog creation / maintenance service especially for, but not limited to, writers. If you like this blog, you can help me keep it running by donating and choose an optional free eBook.

For writers / readers willing to give feedback and / or writers wanting feedback privately, take a look at my main blog’s Feedback page.

My online writing blog / Facebook groups are:

Morgen’s Online Non-Fiction Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Novel Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Short Story Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Script Writing Group

Thank you for reading this and we look forward to your comments.

Poem for Critique 014: Running Away From Death by Stam Fasoulakis

Welcome to Morgen’s Online Poetry Writing Group and the fourteenth poem submitted to this blog for feedback. This piece is a rhyming by Stam Fasoulakis. He says, “This poem reflects the situation in the Middle East with all the fights between fanatics and the suffering of innocent bystanders. We watch with apathy in the TV what is happening in the various Middle East countries (and not only those). This is sad very sad.”

Please do comment in the section below telling us what you liked about this poem and, what if anything, the author could do to improve upon it. Thank you – it’s very much appreciated!

*

Running Away From Death

People messed all over,

in the streets they rover,

bullets are flying around

mortar shells hit the ground

children dying next to their mother,

further down lies the dead father.

They left their home to save their life

but as they run away making a strive

they met death face-to-face,

he didn’t loosen his pace,

in a jiffy he uprooted their soul

their bodies now lying there, foul.

Welcome to the Middle East

where war like a thirsty beast

takes the life of any innocent bystander

as fanatics fight to strengthen their power.

*

Thank you, Stam.

Folks – please do let us know what you think.

I write very little poetry (and then only to order) so I’m no expert and the only thing that leapt out at me was ‘jiffy’ – it seems too light a word to use in the context of this poem, more suitable for Jeeves & Wooster (NB. just my opinion).

**

StamStamatios (Stam) Fassoulakis was born in Africa, Alexandria of Egypt (when it was still a British Colony) from Greek parents (two generations back). In 1961 his parents decided that they had to repatriate to Greece as the Nasser regime and its strict measures for foreigners forced most of them to a massive exodus. He completed his High-school studies in Athens and after graduation, he studied Physics and Mathematics at the University of Athens.

In January 1970 Stam immigrated to South Africa where he worked and studied Mechanical Engineering at the Technikon Witwatersrand Johannesburg (today University of Johannesburg) following a sandwich course. At the end of 1977 he returned to Greece and was hired by General Motors Overseas Distribution Corporation (G.M.O.D.C.) based in Athens and travelled in the Middle East Area from Greece up to and including Pakistan. He worked for them for 14 years, travelling in those “lovely countries”.

In 1991 GM decided to close down their Middle East office (due to the danger of aero plane hijackings and the drop in the Middle East business). He found work at an Opel dealer in Greece as an Aftersales Manager where he organised the department from scratch. After another 14 years of hard work, he retired at the end of December 2007. Since then he has worked as a translator English to Greek and vice versa, specializing in Technical and Scientific texts and documents. He speaks and writes in four languages (English, Greek, French and Arabic).

His hobbies range from reading various books (he has a library of 400) and writing poetry in rhyme (his blog is http://emmetrhpoihsh.blogspot.com) but says that unfortunately most of them are in Greek (“real Greek for you”). He has also written a book (paper, self published) with the title “Productivity and efficiency of a service workshop” but he admits that it is technical and too specialized so it didn’t have a broad reception, but the books sold covered the publication expenses. He also belongs to a black belt karate club (J.K.A.).

He has written poetry (mostly humorous) in rhyme since his early teens, which were published at his High School magazine. He is currently writing a memoire book (in Greek) with the title adieu (goodbye) Alexandria where he describes the feelings of a teenager that had to leave his place of birth. His aim is to translate it into English and see how it will be accepted. If only, he says, to write all the experiences in his life, they are enough to keep him busy until the end of his life.

***

If you’d like to submit your poem for feedback on this blog see Submissions and / for consideration for the weekly Post-weekend Poetry slot on my main blog, take a look here.

You can sign up to receive these blog posts daily or weekly so you don’t miss anything. You can contact me and find me on the internetview my Books (including my debut novel!) and I also have a blog creation / maintenance service especially for, but not limited to, writers. If you like this blog, you can help me keep it running by donating and choose an optional free eBook.

For writers / readers willing to give feedback and / or writers wanting feedback privately, take a look at my main blog’s Feedback page.

My online writing blog / Facebook groups are:

Morgen’s Online Non-Fiction Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Novel Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Poetry Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Script Writing Group

Thank you for reading this and we look forward to your comments.

Poem for Critique 010: Helpless by Anna Habryn

Welcome to Morgen’s Online Poetry Writing Group and the tenth poem submitted to this blog for feedback. This piece is by Anna Habryn, author of yesterday’s poem, Migratory Birds.

Please do comment in the section below telling us what you liked about this poem and, what if anything, the author could do to improve upon it. Thank you – it’s very much appreciated!

Anna has said, “any feedback will be appreciated

*

Helpless

baby boy 87643You used to fall asleep
Happy and safe
Once
When my palm could cover your face
You’ve grown up
With both hands I cannot embrace
I could only cover your eyes
And I will not do this
My son

**

© Anna Habryn 2012

Thank you, Anna.

Anna Habryn was born in Poland, graduated at Lodz University (PhD in Media), and then for a few years she worked as a university lecturer. Since 1982 she’s been living in Perth, WA.

Her novel “Love, the Scots’ Way” appeared in instalments in the Polish Gazette in Toronto, in 2003.

Her interest in the life story of P.E.Strzelecki has resulted in writing a film script, a drama and a radio play, and co-producing a book “Ballad of an Explorer or Life and Deeds of Sir Paul Edmund de Strzelecki” (2009). The play on Strzelecki, “Portrait with Women”, was staged by the Theatre Scena 98 in 2010 and showed in Perth, Melbourne, Sydney and Canberra.

Dance of LooksShe has published four collections of poems in Polish (“Kartki urodzinowe”, “Strzępy pióropusza”, “Bajeczki o miłości’ and “Machamy rękami na brzegu”) and one collection in English “The Dance of Looks”, highly commended in the Paperback in Your Hand contest, Tasmania 2009.

A member of the Gosnells Writers Circle, her poetry is published in the magazine Showcase (WA) and in the GWC anthologies.

***

If you’d like to submit your poem (no line limit) for feedback on this blog see Submissions and / for consideration for the weekly Post-weekend Poetry slot on my main blog, take a look here.

You can sign up to receive these blog posts daily or weekly so you don’t miss anything. You can contact me and find me on the internetview my Books (including my debut novel!) and I also have a blog creation / maintenance service especially for, but not limited to, writers. If you like this blog, you can help me keep it running by donating and choose an optional free eBook.

For writers / readers willing to give feedback and / or writers wanting feedback privately, take a look at my main blog’s Feedback page.

My online writing blog / Facebook groups are:

Morgen’s Online Non-Fiction Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Novel Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Poetry Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Script Writing Group

Thank you for reading this and we look forward to your comments.

Poem for Critique 009: Migratory Birds by Anna Habryn

Welcome to Morgen’s Online Poetry Writing Group and the ninth poem submitted to this blog for feedback. This piece is by Anna Habryn.

Please do comment in the section below telling us what you liked about this poem and, what if anything, the author could do to improve upon it. Thank you – it’s very much appreciated!

Anna has said, “any feedback will be appreciated”

*

Migratory birds

SONY DSCBeating my wings ashore of the foreign waters
I know that soon I will fly again
a goose will return to where it was born
the birds of passage – they can never stay

Anxiety driven when the time comes
they call
they gather to take off with gaggle
they assure each other to fly into the unknown
in advance of the cold wind
they teach their children that one cannot do otherwise

I know you try hard to understand
this metaphor is
a goose that landed on your diner table
the wild ones cry in the sky above

**

© Anna Habryn 2012

Thank you, Anna.

Anna Habryn was born in Poland, graduated at Lodz University (PhD in Media), and then for a few years she worked as a university lecturer. Since 1982 she’s been living in Perth, WA.

Her novel “Love, the Scots’ Way” appeared in instalments in the Polish Gazette in Toronto, in 2003.

Her interest in the life story of P.E.Strzelecki has resulted in writing a film script, a drama and a radio play, and co-producing a book “Ballad of an Explorer or Life and Deeds of Sir Paul Edmund de Strzelecki” (2009). The play on Strzelecki, “Portrait with Women”, was staged by the Theatre Scena 98 in 2010 and showed in Perth, Melbourne, Sydney and Canberra.

Dance of LooksShe has published four collections of poems in Polish (“Kartki urodzinowe”, “Strzępy pióropusza”, “Bajeczki o miłości’ and “Machamy rękami na brzegu”) and one collection in English “The Dance of Looks”, highly commended in the Paperback in Your Hand contest, Tasmania 2009.

A member of the Gosnells Writers Circle, her poetry is published in the magazine Showcase (WA) and in the GWC anthologies.

***

If you’d like to submit your poem (no line limit) for feedback on this blog see Submissions and / for consideration for the weekly Post-weekend Poetry slot on my main blog, take a look here.

You can sign up to receive these blog posts daily or weekly so you don’t miss anything. You can contact me and find me on the internetview my Books (including my debut novel!) and I also have a blog creation / maintenance service especially for, but not limited to, writers. If you like this blog, you can help me keep it running by donating and choose an optional free eBook.

For writers / readers willing to give feedback and / or writers wanting feedback privately, take a look at my main blog’s Feedback page.

My online writing blog / Facebook groups are:

Morgen’s Online Non-Fiction Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Novel Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Poetry Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Script Writing Group

Thank you for reading this and we look forward to your comments.

Poem for Critique 007: Walk Into Hell by Leanna Harrow

Welcome to Morgen’s Online Poetry Writing Group and the seventh poem submitted to this blog for feedback. This piece is by Leanna Harrow.

Please do comment in the section below telling us what you liked about this poem and, what if anything, the author could do to improve upon it. Thank you – it’s very much appreciated!

Walk Into Hell

I let you into my so called life
You paid me back with the jagged blade of your unrelenting knife

I foolishly let you touch my heart
I knew better from the start

You taught me well
As you walked me straight into hell

From this nightmare I will wake
With that all too familiar wrenching ache

Never again will I give my heart away
You saw to that on this very day

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Thank you, Leanna.

You can read my feedback HERE.

LeanneLeanna Harrow grew up on the Central Coast of California where the beaches were pristine and the sunsets spectacular. She attended the school of hard knocks as traditional schools had too many rules and regulations. She raised four children who turned out happy, healthy, productive members of society. Each of her children grew up to possess her independent spirit and headstrong ways but are all awesome people.

For all of her love, time, and devotion, Leanna’s children have repaid her with the ultimate gift of grandchildren. They are her favorite past time and at present, she has four of them. Leanna’s sure that the future holds more of them.

KillingtheDesire_Draft book cover from DamnationHer hobbies include cooking huge meals for her extended family, a good game of billiards every now and then, reading a good book—as well as writing one, writing poems that pop into her head at the most inopportune times, listening to music as many hours a day as possible and people watching, especially men!

Leanna lives in North Carolina and her website is www.leannaharrow.com.

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If you’d like to submit your poem (50 lines max) for feedback on this blog see Submissions and / for consideration for the weekly Post-weekend Poetry slot on my main blog, take a look here.

You can sign up to receive these blog posts daily or weekly so you don’t miss anything. You can contact me and find me on the internetview my Books (including my debut novel!) and I also have a blog creation / maintenance service especially for, but not limited to, writers. If you like this blog, you can help me keep it running by donating and choose an optional free eBook.

For writers / readers willing to give feedback and / or writers wanting feedback privately, take a look at my main blog’s Feedback page.

My online writing blog / Facebook groups are:

Morgen’s Online Non-Fiction Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Novel Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Poetry Writing Group

Morgen’s Online Script Writing Group

Thank you for reading this and we look forward to your comments.