Welcome to Morgen’s Online Poetry Writing Group and the sixteenth poem submitted to this blog for feedback. This piece is by Bill Schwalm.
Please do comment in the section below telling us what you liked about this poem and, what if anything, the author could do to improve upon it, specifically:
1. General comments
2. Lack of focus of antecedent in the early part
3. Sentence length and awkwardness
4. The fact that the couplet in the last stanza does not comprise a sentence
Thank you – it’s very much appreciated!
Flying by night
Settled in the reeds with early snow,
lie they hidden in a thicket under elms,
or are they only tangled in the branches
where a tree has fallen by the river?
Maybe they have been among the geese
that argue in the sky at night,
as birds of passage casting shadows where
the cotton floated lately over summer fields,
now recollecting one another’s faces
only as the geese remember stars—
Summoned to the air by changing light
to follow avian voices in the night.
Thank you, Bill.
He holds currently the position Professor of Physics at The University of North Dakota.
Bill would love to hear your comments via the comments section below and / or http://www.facebook.com/william.schwalm.3.
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Morgen’s Online Non-Fiction Writing Group
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Morgen’s Online Short Story Writing Group
Morgen’s Online Script Writing Group
Thank you for reading this and we look forward to your comments.